Life-Changing Skills for
Personal Healing, Family Healing, and Community Healing.

Love is spelled T-I-M-E. The TIME section of Healing Heterosexuality is a handbook of life-changing exercises for personal, family, and community healing. These practical skills will transform your life and the lives of your loved ones. Now is the TIME to get in touch with your heart, heal your wounds, and fulfill your deepest love needs. These tools will renew your life and all your relationships.

Are you struggling with doing that which you don’t want to do, i.e. porn, erotica, compulsive masturbation, multiple sex partners, getting angry with your partner and loved ones? TTT has solutions custom tailored to change your life for good!

In this era of two-income families and daycare, our children spend way more time on digital technology—cell phones, tablets, TV—rather than face-to-face and heart-to-heart with their parents. The average US teen spends 9 hours daily online vs. limited time with their parents and siblings! Young people remain dangerously deprived of personal time and investment they need to develop a healthy sense of self-worth, which is the foundation for proper self-love and the ability to love others.

All addictions—sex, alcohol, drugs, substances—are nothing more than a means to numb hurts in your heart that have not healed and mask legitimate needs for love. Problem is, these attempts to self-sooth never last…

Our unhealed wounds and unmet love needs of childhood will continue to haunt and even cripple us in adulthood, driving our unwanted behaviors and undermining our relationships. If you experienced or perceived any kind of wounding in the first years of life—abandonment, neglect or abuse (physical, mental, verbal, and/or sexual), emotional control or enmeshment (a relationship with a parent or caregiver in which boundaries are unclear and permeable)—these negative bonding patterns will be forever projected onto present-day relationships unless and until you resolve them. No one will love and respect you if you don’t love and respect yourself. Any hurt or self-hatred within will inevitably work its way outward, and hurting people HURT people. I call this unconscious and unhealthy projection Pain Pollution.

“Many of the here-and-now conflicts people have with their spouses, lovers, ex-lovers, bosses, partners or children are in part emotional reenactments of suppressed feelings stored from incidents that happened when they were children. The same unresolved conflicts they had with their parents always seem to ‘mysteriously’ reappear in their adult relationships” (Making Peace with Your Parents, Harold Bloomfield, New York: Ballantine Books, 1983, p. 9).

3 - Building

Do you remember those famous words from the movie Jerry McGuire, “You complete me?” That very idea is absolute nonsense and a formula for failure in all relationships! Such a concept leads to codependency and ultimately a miserable life and potential divorce. If he completes her, she is ready to be rejected at any moment, and he holds the power for her happiness and misery in his hands. In that simple statement, “You complete me,” someone seizes authority over another’s wellbeing while the other person is giving their power away. Don’t become a victim, vulnerable and easily hurt. Do not give your power away to anyone! If you try to create intimacy with another person before you complete the process of becoming your best self, all relationships become an attempt to fill your void. No one can complete you. They may, however, complement you!

You can complete yourself through personal healing activities and exercises. I will suggest many practical tools throughout the book. You are magnificent and destined for greatness. I know this because you are created as a unique manifestation of God’s love and truth. But first things first: heal yourself. Then you may complement your partner. If you are already in a relationship, get started now. It’s never too late. “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards,” stated Danish philosopher and theologian Soren Kierkegaard. Perhaps you don’t yet have all the answers or solutions, but just keep going and growing, and keep trying until you get there. Mistakes are how we learn.

As a man, you cannot successfully love a woman unless you love your mother or resolve your issues with her and experience healthy feminine love from others. As a woman, you cannot successfully love a man unless you love your father or resolve your issues with him and experience healthy love from other men.

The TIME section offers a compendium of insights and resources from a wide variety of disciplines, drawn from years of study and decades of clinical practice and healing seminars with thousands of men and women throughout the world. You can apply these wonderful tools for your personal healing, as well as that of your family and community. You will learn:

  • Ten common causes of emotional wounding in men and women; how to identify the ones that affect you most deeply and how to create your own plan for healing.
  • Layers of Our Personality: how emotional wounds prevent us from giving and receiving love.
  • Simple and effective tools for healing deep emotional wounds.
  • “Thirteen Rs of Our Family of Origin,” and how to create a new tradition based on conscious choices and real love.
  • “Twelve People in Each Marriage,” bringing a whole new awareness of who is speaking to whom.
14 - Finger Pointing

With all these tools and more, the TIME section will give you hope, encouragement, and powerful tools for your own personal healing.

Feelings buried alive never die.

Time alone does not heal all wounds, it just buries them deeper.

We must feel and be real in order to heal.

The wounds we experienced in unhealthy relationships can only be healed in healthy relationships. Like bricks in a wall, we are surrounded and supported by those above us (mentors, elders and parents), beside us (partners and friends who know and accept us as we are), and below us (children, youth, those we mentor). Without these healthy relationships and ways of giving and receiving love, we will be “off the wall.”